The cure for what ails me...

I'm not certain this is the best antidote for the discomfort, but I'm doing it anyway.

Today I sit on the floor in my home debating when to head back to Virginia to be with my family as my dad passes. After spending 5 weeks with him and then taking a week long vacation with my hubby and kiddos, I headed back to Utah on Friday.

My soul (or emotions) have been mostly settled until today. The switch flipped, my heart squeezed, breathing is more pronounced, and tears are near the surface at all times.

So what to do with myself on this topsy turvy emotional uncertainty. All I knew to do.

Write thank you notes.

Here I sit at my Korean coffee/dining table that Daran crafted for me surrounded by glitter gel pens, lemon themed handmade cards, stamps, and sporting new glasses cuz I'm getting old.

I'm still grieving and anxious weighing the tasks against my capacity - a miles long list of the millions of things that need to occur when a loved one dies, the $16,112 (stupid rising health insurance costs) of support that needs to be raised because the clock is ticking on summer and I have not really begun, and the regular ole stuff like brushing my teeth, eating breakfast, and preparing for a new school year.

and I'm still writing thank you notes...

...because this morning as I conversed with God, those were the only instructions he gave me for the day.

I'm not sure if its taking the anxiety away, but every time I write thank you notes, I experience a flood of deep gratefulness, and I assume that is a good antidote for what ails me.

Also talking it out with you all is quite lovely too, because I know that you crazy prayer warriors always storm heavens' gates when I ask, and even when I don't. Something else to add to my gratefulness list.

So in this moment I hold all the feels inside of me surprised that they can reside in the same time and place and not necessarily war against one another- sadness, anxiety, fear, and gratefulness. Maybe they are sitting on the front porch of my heart and getting along quite well, and maybe that is how it should be.