"I want to be a god..."

“I want to be a god.”

Nothing should really shock me anymore.  I feel as if after almost 13 years of living in this odd place that I deeply love, I would have some sort of desensitized mind in which one could say anything and it would be akin to them saying, “I ate eggs for breakfast,” but it still does and maybe it always should.

I was sitting in the UVU library on the lime green furniture that some decorator thought was a good choice across from a student.  She labels herself “agnostic” but I’m not sure of the title as of yet.  She left her faith not too long ago and happened upon Chi Alpha at one of our tables on campus.  I felt this pull within me to pursue her.

This was our third meeting.  I asked her how her week was and this is how the conversation played out:

“How was your week?”

“I really struggled with depression this week?” she explained.

“Was there something in particular that made you feel depressed?”

“I want to have faith.  I miss it,” she answered.

“What about faith do you miss?”

“Heaven, I still want to go to heaven,” she stated with sadness.

“What about heaven is appealing to you?

“I want to be a god.”

In all parts of the country except here, one would follow up with, “Are you off your meds?” But this is not the first time I have heard something like this.

So I didn’t miss a beat and followed with:

“What about being a god is appealing to you?”

“I want to help people.”

“How would you choose who to help?” I asked.

“I don’t know.”

Then I proceeded to explain the weighty job description of being a god.  I actually have thought this through because this is a somewhat common conversation so I was ready.  I told her that I would make a horrible god because I am pretty sure I would slaughter and sterilize everyone in my quest to “help.”  How could I let the murderer murder or the future murderer harm someone or the child abuser abuse or the parent scar a child emotionally or the person cut off someone in traffic and cause an accident and on and on.  This is assuming that I care, because the only reason that I care at all is because of Jesus, and me being a god, negates Jesus…

I then told her what heaven is as defined in the Bible…rest…peace…equality with one another…not ruling over one another…being with Jesus…

And then I told her the way that we get to heaven…we accept Jesus and he does the rest…

I concluded with:

“Is our (the Bible’s) version of heaven appealing to you?”

She paused and thought and answered, “Yes, It is.”

I count it a privilege to have these “crazy” conversations, and thought it eye-opening for you to listen in on one.  Pray for S as she continues to meet with me weekly and learns who the Jesus of the Bible is and sets aside her aspirations to be the CEO of heaven.